Hello, friend. Take a deep breath. Right now, as you read this, your mind is probably running a three ring circus of worry, self criticism, and that song you can’t get out of your head. And if you’re anything like the incredible, sensitive people I work with, you’re exhausted from fighting the constant stream of negative thoughts.
I see you. I hear the quiet worry that says, “Why can’t I stop thinking this?” And I want to tell you the most important truth of mental well-being: The problem isn’t the thought. It’s the thinking.
Let’s unpack this with a little psychology, a dash of philosophy, and a whole lot of kindness.
🧠 Thought (The Noun): Your Brain’s Popcorn Machine
In psychology, a thought is a discrete, often fleeting mental event. Think of it as a mental impulse.
- It’s Automatic: Thoughts are like squirrels. They just happen. They scurry across your path, often without warning, logic, or invitation. You don’t consciously decide, “Okay, at 10:15 AM, I shall have the thought that I am unqualified for my job.” It just… pops.
- It’s Neutral (Originally): A thought, by itself, is just an electrical signal. It has no power, no truth, and no meaning until you decide to assign it one.
- The Fear: When you’re going through a lot, your brain (bless its protective, but dramatic heart) becomes a fear-generating machine. It throws up thoughts like, “You’re failing,” or “Something terrible is about to happen,” at lightning speed. It’s trying to warn you, but it’s using an air horn when a gentle tap would suffice.
The kind truth: You are not your spontaneous, often-negative thoughts. You are simply the space in which they appear. You are the sky; the thoughts are just the weather. And you can’t control the weather.
🤔 Thinking (The Verb): The Deep Dive of Doom
This is where your power and often your pain resides.
Thinking is the conscious, effortful process of engaging with a thought. It’s what happens when you grab that squirrel and say, “Tell me everything. I need a five-page report on your philosophical implications!”
- It’s Intentional (or Habitual): While a thought is a reflex, thinking is an action. It’s the rumination, the analysis, the self-interrogation, and the building of an entire narrative around a single, passing impulse.
- The Second Arrow: The Buddha famously spoke of two arrows. The first arrow is the original pain the negative thought like “I made a mistake”). The second arrow is the self-inflicted pain the thinking that follows, see “I made a mistake. I’m an idiot. I always ruin everything. I’ll never be successful. I shouldn’t even try.”) The second arrow is optional.
- The Philosophical Angle: Philosophers call this the difference between The Immediate (the thought) and The Reflective (the thinking). Your brain can’t stop The Immediate, but your will and attention can govern The Reflective.
The loving challenge: You cannot stop the negative thought from showing up. But you can absolutely refuse to give it a chair, a coffee, and the remote control to your life.
The Game-Changer: What We Actually Control
So, what’s the difference that sets us free? It’s the space between the thought and the response. It’s the gap where you introduce your Consciousness.
| The Uncontrollable (The Thought) | The Controllable (The Thinking) |
| I had the random thought: “I’m not good enough.” | I choose to say: “Hello, old feeling. I see you, but I won’t analyze you right now.” |
| An image flashed: of a terrible thing happening to a loved one. | I choose to refocus: on the physical sensation of my feet on the floor and my current task. |
| A judgmental impulse came up: “That person is rude.” | I choose to practice: curiosity or compassion instead of building a whole judgment story. |
This isn’t about fighting the thought. Fighting it is still engaging in thinking. This is about acceptance and non engagement.
- Acceptance: “Okay, my brain had a thought about me being a terrible person. That’s fine. Brains do that sometimes.”
- Non-Engagement (Defusion): “I don’t have to believe it. I don’t have to follow it. I’m going to let that thought pass like a train, and I will remain standing safely on the platform.”
My dearest friend, the fact that you have these deep, negative thoughts proves one thing: You care. You have a sensitive mind that is working overtime to protect you. Don’t fight its existence. Instead, use your incredible power the power of attention to choose where you put your energy.
Give the thought a nod, then look away. You are the boss of your attention, and you decide which mental impulse gets to stay for dinner. Choose to spend less time thinking about your fears, and more time living your life. That choice is always yours.